Send an Email in 75 easy steps

There are all kinds of guides available, how to install Windows Server, how to get separate an egg yolk using an empty plastic bottle (really) etc.

Sometimes, our educational requirements are more modest.  We bring you, 75 steps to sending an email.  Easy once you know how.

  1.    Nearly break your laptop as you try to open it up.  The stupid lid won’t budge
  2.    Remember that the catch was at the front on your old laptop, the new one has it on the sides
  3.    Flip the catch at the side of the laptop, works like a dream
  4.    Open up laptop lid
  5.    Wait for computer to start up
  6.    Watch black screen as your laptop does nothing
  7.    Run your fingers over the touchpad to wake it up
  8.    Repeat step 6
  9.    Run your fingers over the touchpad again to wake it up.  Maybe it didn’t notice the first time you did it
  10.    Repeat step 6
  11.    Turn on the laptop
  12.    Repeat step 6
  13.    Try to turn on the laptop again, this time notice the little flashing ‘no battery’ icon
  14.    Find the plug for your laptop
  15.    Plug it into the wall
  16.    Plug it into the laptop, it doesn’t fit.  Despite it being half the size of the aperture in your laptop, you try at least two more times
  17.    Go and find the correct plug to your laptop
  18.    Unplug the wrong plug
  19.    Plug in the right one
  20.    Connect it up to your laptop, fits perfectly
  21.    Power on your laptop
  22.    Wait
  23.    Curse as you see your computer installing updates (installing 1 of 98…)
  24.    React pleasantly as your computer screen goes momentarily black on update 34, maybe it’s installed the other 64 updates super quick
  25.    Curse as you realise your computer is restarting
  26.    Make cup of coffee
  27.    Come back and curse as you see your computer installing 35 of 98…
  28.    Repeat steps 12 – 15 at least once more
  29.    Recover from your semi-sleep as your computer gets to the log in screen
  30.    Type your password
  31.    Type your password again
  32.    Type your password again
  33.    Repeat step 6 for a few moments
  34.    Watch your computer laboriously log on
  35.    Click on Chrome
  36.    Watch as your computer loads everything you don’t need and doesn’t load Chrome.  Wait for the cursor to show no further activity.  Chrome still hasn’t loaded.
  37.    Click on Chrome at least seven more time
  38.    Watch as Chrome suddenly opens seven windows, all browsing to your homepage
  39.    Wait for all seven Chrome windows to finish browsing
  40.    Make another cup of coffee
  41.    Close six of the seven Chrome windows
  42.    Accidentally close the seventh, and last, Chrome window
  43.    Click on Chrome
  44.    Click on Chrome again
  45.    Watch as two windows open etc.
  46.    Close one window
  47.    Sigh happily as you see your browser navigate correctly
  48.    Watch in horror as a message opens up ‘Restarting in 15 minutes to install updates’
  49.    Curse more loudly
  50.    Try to break a record by logging in and sending your email super quickly
  51.    Finish typing the email
  52.    Hit Send
  53.    Watch cursor going round and round
  54.    Watch in horror as your computer restarts
  55.    Curse as you see your computer installing updates (installing 1 of 53…, at least it’s fewer updates this time)
  56.    Repeat oh too many of the steps above
  57.    Watch in horror, as your toddler walks into the room mumbles something unintelligible and closes your laptop screen happily
  58.    While your computer restarts, wonder if Microsoft were serious when they said ‘Do not power off your computer’
  59.    Sigh happily as your computer goes straight to the log on screen (those other 42 updates probably weren’t important.  Besides, they’ll install later, right?)
  60.    Type your password
  61.    Type your password again
  62.    Open your emails – it doesn’t work
  63.    After much troubleshooting, turn your router back on and tell off your happily smiling toddler for turning off the switches to your router
  64.    Pray your laptop had enough juice to stay on
  65.    Log on to your emails
  66.    Click Sent, with hope in your hands, maybe the email sent just in time
  67.    Of course it didn’t, re-type
  68.    Click Send
  69.    Cheer as you see the email sent correctly
  70.    Curse as you realise you sent it to the wrong person
  71.    Try to recall the email (really? When has that ever worked?)
  72.    Type the email again
  73.    Click Send
  74.    Wipe the sweat off your face, you did it
  75.    Lie down, you’ve done enough work for one day

And there you go, easy.